06.2005 ACCOMPLI: Audrey K Chris L Hon Mun L Steven T Rich T Chris T Jack W
ARCHIVES: 03/04/05/09/10/11.2003 •01/02/03/04/05/06/07/08/12.2004 •01/02/03/04/05.2005
I will be more conscious. I will accept all offers. I will do the next, most obvious thing.
06.10.05
FRIDAY
I cried every last time... The last time I'd say "I love you" in pager code. The last time I'd ride the train down to see him. The last time I'd shortcut through the ARCO gas station to be with him sooner. The last time I'd tap on his window and knock on his door. The last time he'd open it and let me inside. The last time I'd hold him. The last time he'd hold me. The last time I'd say goodbye. The last time I'd leave home and go to that place I pay for. Damnit, I didn't want to leave.

Tonight, I went down to San Jose to let my boyfriend of 10 months and 10 days know that I couldn't see him anymore. God, save me. I was in Hell... even lower when I saw how much it hurt him. I wanted to just get out of there and run until my own breath was too far away to catch. But, at the same time, I wanted to never leave. I wanted to go and stay forever. God, help me.

I don't think I'll ever be able to drink chai again.