I don't mean to imply, via my suggested naive romanticism, that the nature of the event was on the exact opposite end of the spectrum: a mindless orgy. No, the climate was much less intense than that - barely more sexual than the annual Halloween party on the same gay street. Plenty of people were there with friends and/or to celebrate the community aspect - the gay family, which is great. It's just that I feel, at best, adopted... Why I feel that way, I don't know.

Do I want or need such a family? I'm not looking for more people with whom to hang out, see movies, and confide. (I'm likely to change my tune in just a few days, though, after relocating to the city, away from most of my current close friends. But, for now,) I'm not actively seeking new friendships. Besides, would/could anyone earnestly do that at a party in the streets of San Francisco anyway? I don't know.

Someone to hold while we hang out, see movies, and confide... That's what I'm looking for. But where to look... I don't know...

I smile at a very cute boy passing by in a club, and I'm delighted when he smiles back. As he passes behind me, I feel him playfully pinch my side. Exhilarating! But, hold on a moment. I do want to kiss him, because I find him attractive... But, no matter the strength of the attraction, it is never enough to convince me that I am wrong in my belief that a purely physical relationship will fail to make me truly happy, and I want to be truly happy. And so I wonder: Do people who want a relationship pinch each other in clubs? I don't know.

I don't know a lot, but that doesn't discourage me. Instead, it makes me more determined. More determined to be visible as a genuine person genuinely interested in a genuine relationship. I can only hope that someone equally genuine is also out there looking, and - even better - smiling at other genuine boys in clubs..., except for last night... because I didn't get that guy's phone number.

Cradling his sleeping baby in his arms, a father sat down in the seat across the aisle from me. He was adorable. And so was his child. Arms secure, dad drifted in and out of consciousness as his son slept through the ride, waking only upon hearing another child throw a fit a few seats ahead of the dozing pair. Dad immediately set to comforting his son, who appeared to have no intention of joining the chorus, but instead had awoken with a breathtaking wide-eyed curiosity.

The scene moves me even as I describe it now. I hadn't really expected to ever want to have a child, but there I was, unable to deny that I wished to have a part in the scene unfolding across the aisle. Maybe someday...